Tim Davis,
Computer and Information Science and Engineering Department,
University of Florida



[Oct. 24, 2010] —


“We just want to get to the root of the problem and find out where the tentacles are.” That’s how my friend described the agenda for a meeting called to address my concerns about a critical problem we faced.

The Real Agenda

However, at the meeting I was blindsided and completely unprepared. The real agenda was to criticize me for raising my concerns. I had been intentionally misled. It felt like a knife in the back, and I left the meeting stunned.

The unresolved critical problem proved to be the most serious spiritual crisis I had ever encountered — something much worse than being misled. As it turned out, the events of the next few months would require me to grow in several areas of my life and faith.

In the past this growth would have been difficult, because I lost my father when I was 12. The loss came in stages through his adultery, divorce, and finally suicide. Even before he died, my Dad rarely invested himself in me, and I carried the wound for years.

The Wound Would Reopen

When a real crunch would come the wound would reopen and I would think, “I don’t have what it takes. I never had a father.” It was like putting all my weight down on a leg that had been broken and partly healed, but never set quite right.

But in the past two years, God had been healing me fully. He reminded me that He is my Father, and I am His beloved son. Paul writes “In love He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, which He freely bestowed on us in the Beloved.” (Ephesians 1:4b-6, NASB)

The wound given 37 years ago had been finally healed.

My friend sought me out to ask my forgiveness for his willful deception. He said, “I know this must have been hard on you, because of your struggle with not feeling adequate because of your father.”

I readily forgave my friend and told him I appreciated his concern, but the wound from my father just hadn’t come to mind. I did what I needed to do,whereas in the past I would have copped out.

The pressures in academia are great. The road from assistant to associate to full professor is not easy. At times we can all feel inadequate, and wonder, “Will I have what it takes to succeed or even survive? Will I be able to keep the pace and not have my research go stale?”

Sufficient

Our Heavenly Father has promised, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9a, NASB). The past does not have to be an obstacle that can never be overcome.

Trials will come, but we can face them in His strength. In Him, you’ve got what it takes. And so do I.

© 2010 Tim Davis