Eileen Buss,
Entomology and Nematology,
University of Florida

[March 27, 2011] —

It will be my second surgery within two months. The Lord has given me peace about the procedure, but the initial recovery time will be challenging and uncomfortable. The procedure will only have a temporary outcome, and I’ve already begun adapting to a new “handicap.”

It is a minor problem in the scheme of things – not cancer or anything horribly disfiguring. Just a rare voice disorder.

Some people are gregarious, natural-born speakers. Not me. I am not gifted with a dynamic persona or a good, durable speaking voice; but thankfully, people listen to the content and not the quality of my voice.

Overuse From Teaching

Four months ago a doctor said my voice sounded “breathy.” Two months later another specialist said that my vocal cords weren’t functioning properly. A benign lesion has been tethering the tissues together so that they do not vibrate correctly. It may have been there most of my life, but recent overuse from teaching has resulted in a hoarse, raspy, old woman-sounding voice that is hard to project even in normal conversation.

For an extension specialist, a professional communicator, this was a blow. The treatment options are therapy to improve some speech habits, or an attempt to surgically increase the bulk of the vocal cords, trying to loosen the lesion.

Anything more aggressive could make the hoarseness worse. But, the doctor kindly told me that it probably couldn’t get much worse… So much for having a more feminine voice…

It’s just one more thing to deal with, on top of juggling being a mom, wife, faculty member, and all the other responsibilities of life. I keep trying to remind God that He promised not to give me more than I can handle…

But, there’s not much choice, anyway. It just has to be done, and by His grace, He can heal me.

I Have Wondered…

I have thought a lot about the quality and value of having a good speaking voice, as a result of this problem. I have wondered what might happen…

* Would I need to change job responsibilities?
* Would I lose my credibility with my clientele?
* Would someone on the other side of a phone or someone taking my online course know when I am joking or smiling?
* Would I be able to lift my voice and sing praises to God…?
* Could this be just another form of spiritual warfare?
* Considering the options helps me to prepare for contingencies, but God calls me to faith and to trust that He will carry me through yet another challenge.

After the procedure, I will have to be silent for at least two days. That will give me the time to be still and know that He is God. Perhaps it’s time to listen – to get out of the way so God can be front and center. I can’t hear Him if I talk too much.

So, as I guard how I use my voice from now on, I will also be more aware of my speech, and try to make more of my words matter for eternity. I hope I’ll have a beautiful singing voice in heaven!
© 2011 Eileen Buss ©istockphoto