Samuel E Matteson
Physics,
University of North Texas
[March 28, 2010]—
Jesus pronounced some commandments that sometimes I wish He had not. Like doing good to those who want to harm you – loving your enemies.
“That’s just not natural,” I say to myself. God seems to respond: “Precisely!”
My dilemma comes not from this abstract God-love. I can “turn the other cheek” in theory without a stretch. But in the real life of the university?
Loving Fred
For example, I have found it hard to feel any generosity or love toward my personal nemesis – we’ll call him “Fred.” He is a colleague on campus who I feel has sought ways to belittle me, to harm my interests, and to misrepresent my actions to others.
Feelings of animosity continually creep into my heart and I confess to succumbing to human emotion of schadenfreude, the sordid pleasure felt in someone else’s misfortune. “Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy,” I think sarcastically. Not very noble to be sure, but what could be more natural?
Lately I am increasingly convicted of my reaction. I bump up against inconvenient Biblical exhortations like Paul’s admonition: “Do not be conformed to the world any longer, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” This devastates my dodge that “it’s only natural.” Such evasion no longer works.
I am found out.
It Can Be Painful
If God is in me shaping my character to look like His, then His Holy Spirit must do some renovation. And as every HGTV fan knows, renovation often means demolition. I feel now that my soul is a hard hat zone with a sign reading “Caution! God at work!”
It can be painful. I have prayed for Fred in the past, but my petition was, “Please, Lord, get this jerk out of my life.” More than three times I asked for the removal of my “thorn in the flesh.” But God answered—“No, not now.” I feel ashamed of myself for such petty irritation and animosity.
Easter reminds me graphically that Jesus loved and forgave despite very real and infinitely more painful insults. Indeed, the Bible tells me that God loves with an unselfish, redemptive love even those in sinful rebellion, including me and Fred. I rejoined, “but God is different; He is holy; He is perfect,” until the words “Be ye perfect, even as I am perfect” sunk into my consciousness.
As unnatural as it may be, I am compelled to pray that Fred will prosper and that any pain in his life prompting his incivility and destructive behavior will abate. In the process my own heart will change, exchanging animosity for a gracious and sincere love for him. I now pray for new eyes of grace to see him as God sees him. I resolve not only to tolerate Fred but to love him as Christ loves me, but indeed it still is unnatural.
I am reminded of my renovation by stickers on products that proclaim “100% natural.” Perhaps the work God’s Spirit is doing in me may one day feel “100% natural.” Until then I have decided daily to give God a building permit and let Him work.
© 2010 Samuel E Matteson