Lori W. Peterson
Communication, St. Edwards’ University
In January I heard the words no academic wants to hear:
“Denied tenure.”
But, wait…before you feel sorry me, do read on. I do not work at an “up-or-out” institution. In fact, I am already an Associate Professor and enjoy all privileges normally afforded tenured faculty at other institutions (a guaranteed yearly contract, etc.).
So, what does “tenure” mean at my institution?
Caught In The Middle
That’s what no one really understands. It’s being re-conceptualized and redefined; and, I got caught in the middle and was told to “apply again in a few years.” Then, just as I was in recovery from that blow, I learned that a summer study abroad grant that a colleague and I labored over had been turned down!
Now, if your brain functions anything like my analytical husband’s, you are probably thinking (she still receives a steady paycheck + loves her students + has summer and school holidays off) + we won’t have to plan for a difficult trip abroad with the kids) = this is no big deal !
But, if you have the sensitive soul of someone in the Humanities like me, surely you understand why it is past midnight and I am unable to sleep, with thoughts of personal inadequacy and university politics still wracking my brain. Moreover, if you are adept at reading-between-the-lines, you’ve already discerned the heart of my real problem: pride.
Not A Charade
I am one of those people who—despite having endured my share of heartaches and struggles—things always seem to work out for in the end. I was certain that I would be the first Associate Professor with tenure in our young department. Oh, of course, I would wear the title with graciousness and humility, giving God the glory; but, how good it would feel to have attained such status! God apparently had a different plan for me this year: A lesson in true humility—not a charade of false humility.
This summer, I was determined to seek God’s guidance on how to develop the trait of humility. Because, God knows, most academics are far from humble. So, where to begin? What is humility? Nelson’s Illustrated Bible Dictionary defines humility as “a freedom from arrogance that grows out of the recognition that all we have and all we are comes from God.”
I know in my head that all I have and all I am comes from God; but, I think I need to spend the summer letting this truth sink into my heart. As I type these words, the picture of true humility that comes to my mind is Jesus as he washed his disciples’ feet at the Last Supper. All of his disciples. Including Judas, who He knew would betray him. Including Peter, who He foretold would deny Him not once, but three times. So, what does this beautiful example of service and humility mean to me?
I doubt that the occasion will arise for me to literally wash my colleagues’ feet; but, metaphorically, I’ll have plenty of opportunities:
• Greeting those colleagues on the University-wide committee that advised I not be granted tenure this year with a warm smile instead of the cold stare that I feel they deserve!
• Asking my Dean how I can improve my performance…instead of insisting that I’m a victim of arbitrary and capricious criteria.
• And perhaps the most difficult…letting go of the false ideal that I need to be the `star’ of my department and truly sharing in and delighting in the accomplishments of my colleagues (even the ones I know would easily betray me and deny me!).
I think this tutorial in humility will keep me quite busy this summer—and immersed in God’s Word. But, the outcome will undoubtedly be much more rewarding than “tenure:” a freedom from arrogance.
© 2007 Lori Peterson