operating-room-god-is-real
Carol Lim,
Pharmaceutics and Pharmaceutical Chemistry,
University of Utah

[ April 10, 2009 ] — I was raised as a Christian but it never really sank in.  I understood the “concept” of God, but had no idea of what to do with it.

My journey back to God took about several years. My life until then had been pretty easy—up until the point where I became an assistant professor, and married with two young children to care for.

God made me listen to Him. In the summer of 2007, I went to the ER with a possible heart attack.  It was very scary.

“If you get me out of this”

I made a deal with God and said, “If you get me out of this, I promise I will start going to church regularly.”  I did the things I thought I was “supposed” do to be in God’s good graces.  I even was baptized.

Last year I went to the ER with a ruptured appendix and a diagnosis of myocardial fibrosis, followed by an infection and cyst – and a lot of pain. Many, many tablets of Percocet gave me plenty of time at home to contemplate God — and why this was all happening.  During this time I read Christian authors like Philip Yancey and Thomas Merton who provided me a link between the Bible and myself.

My family was suffering because of my stress.  I was up for tenure soon, and my research funds were running out.  I had no idea of what to do, and had nowhere to turn.  There was no end in sight.

“Okay, God I get it”

At this point I said, “Okay God, I get it.  I give my life over to You.  I don’t know what You have planned for me, but I will trust in You, and let You lead me.”  I let go of my self-reliance, independence, and control of my life.

This literally is Proverbs 3:5-6, which I never fully understood before:  “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.”

What happened after this can only be described as a ball rolling downhill.  My medications were switched, and within six months, my heart had returned to normal.  God is real.  I received tenure as well as a large NIH research grant. I know that God’s presence doesn’t guarantee earthly success, but I do thank Him for all of this.

I started to play the piano after a 27 year hiatus and started composing music.  Some of this music has turned out to be Christian, which puzzled me, since I never listened to Christian music (besides at church), but this is the music I heard in my head when I took time to be quiet.

I went from thinking about God only at night during prayer to thinking about Him all day long, and feeling His constant presence.  I still have many struggles, but with God, I know that I can stumble and still draw near to Him.

© 2009  Carol Lim   Used by permission of Faculty Commons