Dealing with difficult people

Phil Bishop, Kinesiology
University of Alabama

I can speak with some authority on dealing with difficult people, because I am a difficult person. You shouldn’t have that much trouble either, since, to at least a few people on campus or in your family, you are a difficult person also. So as difficult people, let’s consider how Jesus dealt with folks like us.

Not The Enemy

Jesus recognized that difficult people are NOT the enemy. No matter how hostile, how rude, how obnoxious we were, Jesus loved us enough to die for us, and He loves us enough to want difficult people to live a life submitted to Him. Even the people in our departments!

The apostle Paul reminded the Ephesian church: “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” (6:12 NIV)

There is an action plan for dealing with us obnoxious folks that is found in Proverbs 25:21-22, and repeated in Romans 12:20-21, which tells us: “If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the LORD will reward you.”

I have had personal experience with putting these verses into practice, and am amazed at how much fun it is.Because of my faith I was involved in a lawsuit, which is typically an adversarial environment. I had several opportunities to show unexpected kindness to those on the opposite side of the case.

Some of the responses I got are still very fond memories. Abraham Lincoln once said, “Do not I also destroy my enemy, if I make him my friend?”

Befriending The Difficult

Befriending difficult people can be rewarding in itself. Christ called us to minister to the neglected –the poor, the widowed, the orphaned. In our university culture some of the neglected people in a very significant sense are our colleagues whom we view as “difficult.”

They often have poor social skills,and have a poverty of good relationships. Currently I am working with a single guy on our campus with few friends, few prospects and a bankrupt spirit. God may well be calling us to cultivate loving relationships with folks just like this.
Christ calls us to love our enemies, to bless those that curse us, to do good to them that hate us, and to pray for them who despitefully use us and persecute us; that we may be the children of our Father who is in heaven (Matt 5:44-45).

Don’t quit loving the difficult people God has brought into your life. He hasn’t quit loving us!