“Confidence” | Faculty Commons

Maurice Manktelow
E-Commerce and Marketing
Bradford College, England

Forty years ago I left home, catching a steam train from London, traveling north 200 miles to William Blake’s land of those ‘dark satanic mills’ in Bradford. It was in those early student days that I had freshly committed my life to Christ.

Within a few weeks I had to stand before the class and give a five-minute talk where I attempted to explain my Christian faith. I really did make a hash of that. Not only did the class laugh at me; the lecturer also laughed at me.

It truly was a dreadful presentation, and in hindsight I cannot blame them. But thank God, I did not let their laughter destroy me. I continued to share the gospel at university to the best of my abilities, attempting to learn lessons, improve and be confident.

A Relative Formality?

I was reminded of this lesson recently in academia. Our department faced a quinquennial review of our M.A. in e-Commerce. It was supposed to be a relative formality – the degree programme was acclaimed by students and outside examiners, with both good job placement of our graduates and increasing enrollment.

Our team members had rehearsed for the occasion, each trying to spot potential areas of concern, each prepared to support the others. We entered the review quietly confident that it would go well. And so it did, until the end.

One of the reviewers decided to pick on my module, and me in particular. Others joined in. Question after question and argument after argument were thrown at me. The more I replied, the more dissatisfied the panel seemed with my answers. The review that had started so well was going from bad to worse.

Outwardly I hoped I appeared calm and objective, but inwardly I felt I was making a real “pig’s ear” of the job. In due course we were called back into the meeting and the programme was approved for another five years.

Appropriate And Elegant

My colleagues pulled me aside afterwards and said that my response under pressure was both appropriate and eloquent. Later, one of the reviewers admitted a similar conclusion.

Recent research here in the U.K. found that many Christian academics fail to speak out about their faith. Whilst having confidence in the Gospel and God Himself, they lack confidence in their ability to say the right things and how it would be received.

I have learnt not to judge how good or bad a job I am doing. If I only do my best, I can trust and leave the outcome with God. Whether or not I can have confidence in myself, I can have confidence in God’s ability to “take the foolish things” on earth, like me, and use them for His purposes.