Elaine Petty,
Endowment for Community Leadership,
Washington D.C.
[February 25,2014]–
We all need to learn to listen and speak with those outside our Christian community. My husband and I, engaged in day to day interactions in the center of Washington D.C., long to have conversations that count so that we and the gospel story can truly be heard.
By experience, we’re learning the need to be experientially current, purposely connective, and constantly learning the craft of conversation.
First, we’re working hard daily to experience the gospel in our own lives, seeing His love and forgiveness for us everyday. The gospel must first be current in us, even incarnated in us, before we verbalize it.
We like what Tim Keller writes:
The Christian life is a process of renewing every dimension of our life—spiritual, psychological, corporate, social—by thinking, hoping and living out… the ramifications of the gospel. The gospel is to be applied to every area of thinking, feeling, relating, working and behaving.
Conversations that count begin with expressing what I possess in Christ and explaining how I came to possess it.
Second, we’re looking for ways to be connective—to notice the people, often invisible, along our path every day. For instance, we’re learning the names of 5 families who live on the left and right of us and 5 families who live across from us. As we notice them, we determine to like them and begin slowly to take initiative by saying hello, by smiling, by looking them in the eye.
Being connective takes time, but it’s worth it and actually quite fun. For example, we’re learning that everyone has a story. In our tattooed world, we’ve had more fun asking folks to tell the story behind their tattoos. Every tattoo has a story. Ask about it.
In addition, we’re learning the power of being curious—finding common ground by asking about hobbies, skills, books they’re reading. I recently found out that my grocery checker Tammy reads two books a week.
As we connect in natural ways, we constantly take stock of how we come across to others. Are we invading personal space, do our eyes wander, are we distracted by our iPhones, etc?
Third, we’re learning the craft of meaningful conversation.
Every communication possesses both science and art. By science, I mean raw content. But how to say it — that’s art.—Tim Downs
The art within conversations that count includes the choice of words, the timing of phrases, the emphasis we place. Persuasiveness comes through the art, more than the science.
I love how one person describes the process of sharing spiritual truths. “I send the conversational flag up the pole and I wait to see if the Holy Spirit makes it wave.”
Our goal is to always conduct the conversation in such a way that the person desires to continue the dialog the next time we see them.
In next week’s MMM, I’ll explore other ways we’re learning the art of conversation.
(c) 2014 Elaine Petty